if im only better when im drugged then who am i anyway?
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you had it once
And you know that you want it back
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you're needing it
And you know that you need it bad

my agoraphobia is so bad again... probably the worst it has ever been im relapsing with self harm and disordered eating my sleeping is bad again i slept 13 hours last night. my best friend totally ripped me off then went to jail and i havent heard from him since.. he was the only person in this world that i put my trust in i am so hurt .. i havent been this alone since i was like 12 and even then i had someone i spoke to daily i mean im 19 and i have friends but we've grown apart and theyre all online .. i feel llike they dont care about me anymore and obviously thats not their fault but i just need someone sometimes and i dont have that anymore. im so jealous of people who kill themselves i'd do anything to have the courage for that. i want to be hospitalised so badly maybe then people would take me seriously. no one takes me seriously no one gets it. its so easy for other people to just live and i dont even feel like i do that. and im also watchhing addiction take both of my parents again and i undrstamnd its hard for them but they both ccare more about drugs than they do me .. i have absolutely no one to talk to about it .. and my mum vents about alllll of her drug related issues to me i can't take it . ive told her i cannot handle it and she doesnt listen she breaks every boundary i set. i just dont know what to do anymore.