remember when i was so sick i wish you had believed me

i've fallen in love with self harm again. its all i think about i just think its so pretty :( and... i like thinking abot someone else cutting me up or being made to cut myself for someone. its so romantic


im so broken and damaged. im so sick im always forgetting to take my meds i dont eat enough (however today i binged...) i dont know what to do anymore. i want to stop hurting over my breakup its almost been a month and it still hurts.. however i do want to get bck out there.... idk how... my anxiety is so bad i cant talk to anyone. and im scared ill be stuck by myself forever. i deleted all his pictures yesterday that was something tht hurt a lot LOL. im thinking of ways i could change so i could like my body since im built like a lampost. i never rly cared before tbh.. idk... i like being petite


No matter how cool you think the he is, if he needs to hang out with kids, he is not. If he were really cool, he'd be hanging out with people his own age.



>

i was 15 he was 19. then a year later i was 16 he was still 19 but turning 20 ... i dont think we had a big thing when i was 17... i was closer to 18... finding out ur ex bf of 6 months kinda groomed u isnt fun. i dont even know how to feel. i feel dumb calling it grooming because i wanted it but i guess thats how it works. and he has only dated younger girls. plus his new girl is 2 weeks yonger than me...... she looks just like me tho its kinda weird. i feel like i should speak out about it but. i cant do that im not ready at all. i can barely speak about it. even typing this is a lot. i feel stupid because it isnt a big age gap but idk i csn see its weird when its someone else i just blame myself. he made me feel safe for a while. i still have feelings for him i want to defend him and see him as a good person. but at the same time i know i shouldnt.

i carry death wherever i go it seems